It was my Mistake to Think you Cared

We all have those stupid conversations with ourselves about how we plan to successfully move on from those worthless, wait not worthless. Let me find a much more accurate word for the people who seem to have such a hard time saying what they really feel, but instead they play games and make you feel like they really, really want to be with you but in reality they’ve already made a choice the moment they’ve laid eyes on you that you were never going to be a part of their life and of course you enjoyed all those moments that you thought were wonderful or in fact were wonderful. The kissing and making out, the lies of, “I think I could fall in love with you” but in reality that’s all a bunch of bullshit, it’s was all a front, just a BIG fat lie.


So why do normal, sane and healthy people who are pretty capable of knowing what’s real and what’s not, what feels good and what absolutely hurts like hell? Why do we continue to torture ourselves over and over again? Why do we allow others, ourselves, to be push and pulled around for that silly little word we call, Love? Maybe not even love, but a feeling we can’t seem to kick b/c it feels so damn good, for that moment in time.  Are we hoping for just a little glimmer of hope from the person we want so badly to want (love) us in the same way we’re wanting (loving) them? Why can’t we read all the negative signs, listen to their words of “I can’t” “I wouldn’t be good enough for you” “I’m broken, damage and confused” “Really I’m over HER” or the never responding back to texts, keeping you waiting for weeks at a time, contacting you when it’s most convenient  for THEM! Doesn’t all that just sound sad and pathetic to have to deal with a person like that? Then why do we do it, really, why?


Okay so here are a few things I know folks wouldn’t do. Place your hand on top of a hot blaring stove, or better yet running into a busy intersection blind folded in hopes of finding true love; throwing yourself into a thorn bush and praying that the pain you are about to inflict on yourself will be much more pleasant then what is actually happening; constantly slamming your whole hand in the car door, not once or twice but many times and trying to keep a smile on your face when you know damn well that shit hurts like hell.


So again I ask, why do so many people continue to go back and torture themselves over and over again for those who clearly are not able to show compassion, understanding or respect  for your feelings and emotions and do NOT want anything more with you, as far as a committed relationship goes?. It’s hard to walk away from disaster, destruction, ongoing pain, and the broken promises and hopes that the bull shit will eventually go away and you can be blissfully happy. Well you can. As hard as it is, just think of opening up that wound of yours and dousing it with salt and a lemon. Doesn’t sound pleasant, right? So instead, read all the signs and just walk away, make a clean break and spare yourself that aching pain!


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