(An old Blog I came across, still has some truth 6 years later)
I was reading my cousin’s blog today and it helped me processes the thoughts that came to mind! Mistakes and regrets, what a topic since I have so much on my mind on the mistakes I’ve made with these drama induced relationships and friendships, and not to excluded just my life in general. Do I regret any of them, sometimes, but then I think, “you know I’m glad I experienced this, so the next time I get myself in a situation I know how to handle it or just walk away from it?” Then I continue down and let me Quote Ms. Whitni: “… mistakes that are not just lessons, but for lack of more sophisticated words, are fuck ups. The worst ones are those that happen when you act with good intentions, but the result is far worse than where you started.” Oh have I had my share of a fucked up moment, when you think everything is going well and for some reason you don’t read the warning signs because you’re so caught up in the moment, or person. Bad turns to worse, turns into something of a nightmare and you just can’t seem to wake the hell up! Whelp that was the biggest mistake I had ever made! Without going into too much detail!
Life I tell you takes you down so many roads, so many choices to choose from good or bad, we never seem to know what we really want in life. And when we finally get what we think we want or need, we’re still indecisive, right? But yea my cousin’s blog was just a jumping off point so I could gather up my own thoughts, Thanks!
At the beginning of the year I told myself I wasn’t going to allow myself or anyone else for that matter to have an effect on me, and my life. For the most part it hasn’t been working! We grow older, we mature, and our ways of thinking become so much different from when we were in high school (for some of us), the choice of friends we decide to keep, the lovers we chose to give ourselves to, just the people we surround ourselves with, changes us in some crazy way! How we let other people have that kind of effect on us! We get ourselves caught up in them, and if they have stuff going on in their life, then we’re caught up in that too! At least that’s what happened to me..::SIGH::
I’ve always been the one to not let people in my life; I was always pushing them away, trying so hard to keep people at a distance. It worked for a while, not letting people have any effect on me and my emotions, now at 23 years old my whole thinking on dating, being in a relationship..welp I’m at a point where I don’t care! I’ve said this a lot to a few people, and truthfully I just can’t muster up enough energy to why I must care!
It’s like when you find that right person everything is wonderful for the most part and then that’s when you realize the secrets, the lies and the half truths that this person has been telling you and still is telling you! People and things aren’t really what they seem anymore! The trip I’ve been down for the last, hum I guess you can say 2-3 months have made me decide yet again that I cannot trust certain people in my life. You ever get yourself so consumed in a person you really like and can’t get them out your system no matter what they say, or have done or still are doing to you? Well, that was me, and I will not lead myself down that Ugly Road again! So yes I will remain single, less stressed, no more bull shit thrown in my face, no half truths being told to me, no more sugarcoated conversations, or statements being told to me, that you might think I wanna hear, No chicks who still have a thing going on with a previous relationship, but just can’t seem to let that one go! I’m not sad, hurt, or even mad, I’m just tired of the run around and now I know what I want, and have walked down that WRONG Road, a few more times now, and now it’s time to just say NO!