So I was thinking about cleaning out my goodie drawer, only to be reminded how single I really was, you know..The drawer where you keep all the fun and exciting sex items. Like those purple fuzzy hand cuffs where the keys are nowhere to be found when you’re ready to use them(lost in the heat of the moment), or the heavy metal ones that freeze your wrist leaving unattractive bruises behind. But you really don’t care because when you’re in that moment nothing really matters expect being in that blissful, mind blowing, head board banging sex haze and couldn’t be more thrilled to have something like that being left behind from having, yes you guessed it SEX!!
Then there’s the sensual non-flavored lube, yes non-flavored lube because the last person you were with was “allergic” to the flavored, scented kind. Sure! Boring, right? They actually are pretty nasty, well the ones that I’ve tried anyway. It says Peach and it actually taste like medicine or better yet like stale corn chips. Oh! Then there’s the Pop Rocks. Let me pause for a few moments..the only thing I can say about Pop Rocks is make sure that whoever you’re using this on, or whoever is using this on you that they know what the hell they’re doing. I might need to try this a 3rd time just so I know either this a complete fail or it might work in my favor and eventually turn me on. LOL
Next, and lastly all the fun and colorful buzzing, spinning vibrators, like “The little Dolphin that Could,” “Mandingo” or “Pleasure me Not” or the small bullet. And can’t forget condoms, lots of condoms from the glow in the dark kind, the colorful ribbed, heat sensitive and yes the ones that are flavored. So opening up my wonderful, fabulous goodie drawer, to my surprise was filled with ridiculous hair products, lotions, body creams of every scent, combs, brushes, hair ties, nail polish, razors, empty travel size bottles (why empty and why in my damn drawer is still a mystery to me), Neosporin, an empty Dove box (too lazy to throw away), and the 2.7 oz water based formula of LD moments Lube. I quickly slammed the bastard shut. Totally forgot I was neglecting my sexual desires, forgot what that feeling of earth shattering, lip biting, toe curling, grabbing for shit that wasn’t there, screaming out shit that didn’t make sense, the throbbing aching feel of my pulsating clit with each touch, each stroke, with every lick, lapse of pleasure from my then lover was now clearly a distant memory.
Sex had become something foreign to me. The last time I could remember having mind blowing sex..well YOU remember. I could remember as if it was yesterday, but instead I threw that memory in the drawer with all the junk that I had accumulated over time.
So back to the “Goodie” drawer that is no more. Today, I don’t seem to own not one toy, not one little gadget that could possibly get me off. From past lovers and all the experimental items that were used, perhaps to help me write better non-fiction, maybe to just try something new to keep me from getting bored in the bedroom, or better yet to just get me off totally and completely without any reservation what-so-ever. Either way I needed something to take the edge off, to get my heart rate going before going to work, the type of pleasure on you, I, know how to give to myself without the issues of emotional attachment from some needy woman who wants more than sex when it was clearly stated all I care to get from you is just that SEX!
So until I obtain that battery operated device, I’ll have to go old school muster up enough strength and energy to use my wonderful fingers, watch some porn and pray that gets me off. Damn, what a life, right?!