I never thought enough time could pass and I’d still have the same feelings I once did. Never thought we could ever have been anything, other than. Just friends.  Never knew you loved me, never even knew that you felt so deeply about. Me. You always wanted to figure me out, wanted to be in a place where I was, just to be near me. You wanted me and I never noticed, never thought you could have possibly been the one to love me. I never listened, or maybe you never spoke up to tell me you wanted me, to be there, to hold you, to see you through.

Holding hands walking along that dotted or even solid line crossing into places beyond you and I. When you cried, I was never there to wipe away the tears, I never even volunteered a shoulder for you to lean or even cry on. Never witnessed what made you smile, or witnessed all things that have made you into the woman I clearly did not see then, but see now. Of all the many things you wanted me to see, you were right there, in front of me.

The sad thing is you were there for me; every tear I shed, your comfort was there. When I was sad, you listen to every word and asked every question to help me back to real-ity. When death crossed my path, again you were there, a phone call away letting me know you cared and loved me. Why can’t I remember you? Why can’t I place you in my memory bank, from back then?

Where was I when you needed me?

I never noticed you, paid attention to what was truly in front of me for years. Time passes, lovers join our lives, break our hearts, experiences shared with those we wished could have been, maybe, even possibly been shared between you and me. We grow to understand that time has passed and we try to forget what could have been, what would have been if I was to have been aware, paying you that simple attention you’ve given me from way back when, that has gone unnoticed by me.

I sit and think what it could have felt like to have shared conversations of deep intellect, shared laughs, relaxing in your arms, your safe embrace, to feel your soft kisses on my lips, how they would have felt, amazing. I think.

To know what you smelled like, so the memory of you would linger every time the wind breezed past. There is no memory I have of you and I. You weren’t the first thing to enter my mind when I woke, or the last thought before I went to sleep. I can’t remember what your voice sounds like, or the type of conversations we shared, enjoyed or even laughed about. I don’t even remember when or how we ever met and to my surprise I don’t think I ever will. The last words I can remember you saying, shouting, pleading, explaining, “Please, baby. Wait, be patient and wait for me.”

Finally, our paths have crossed. Today we meet again in a place so unfamiliar to any place we’ve ever been, or grown to know. Now, today, I notice who you are and you are the nicest thing I’ve ever seen. Your smile brings me back to a place I do not know, a place I may never know. Your touch is unfamiliar, yet steady, soft and gentle.

I want to know everything that makes you think you still love and want to be with me. I can’t bring myself to ask who you are what your fears, hopes and dreams are. What makes you laugh, smile, how to reach into your heart that beats oh so heavily.

So here we are standing side by side in a moment’s time. I’m ready to give you something you’ve been waiting for, almost your entire life. I want to touch you in places where the mind, body and soul collapse and the heart so willing. There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to have just a few more moments just spend, I would spend all the many moments with you.


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