Losing my Sense of Self

I’ve come to realize that I’m doing too much, too much of the thinking and less of the physical process of actually doing.  Not enough writing down my thoughts when they shot through me like a bullet being pressed through a barrel in a gun. Every thought that crosses my mind I have no desire to write anything down. I don’t want to open the notebook that is pressed with ink of every color, marks of pencil and stains of led from the eraser that didn’t do its job correctly.  Scribbles or random laughs, moments that I’ve enjoyed to read and eventually would have blogged are no longer an interest to my creative mind.

 This feeling of being overwhelmed by life and being pulled in every direction has caused much of my anxiety these few months. The last time I decided to blog was in July and I haven’t since felt the urge to taste my creative thoughts to pen to paper.  Learning to say no others and learning to take extra care for my personal time and space is much more rewarding then always trying to save help and fix everyone else’s life issues. Especially when I can’t even place a finger on my own personal life issues.  I’m constantly trying to figure out other peoples simple and non-productive problems. Their  drama, that is very much of an emotional drainage that my mind can’t take or want to keep up with.

 Now that I’ve finally found a place of comfort and a sense of balance and time for myself, by myself I’ve come to realize that NOT writing has caused a type of stress of not releasing my feelings, emotions and thoughts of this world is important for the pure sanity of this life of mine. Writing helps me to clear my head and helps me to get through this stressful and not so kind world.

 Being able to express myself, writing is a type of creative art that I’ve come to enjoy and not being able to do so I’ve felt like; am I losing my sense of balance? My sense of priorities and my sense of what’s really important? Am I being carried away by temporary reactions by destructive emotions? So I’ve decided when stressed and when life is taking a toll on me emotionally, to write. Even if I have nothing to write at that very moment, eventually something creative will appear and it will become a lot easier as time elapses.

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