Catching up to me & leaving behind who I use to be.
Constantly struggling to define my life’s purpose, struggling to know what my ultimate sense of direction truly is.
Life is all about change. The many times I’ve changed my clothes in a day, changed my sense of style, change my mind, changing and growing out friendships, relationships, sexual partners, changing my attitude and I cannot forget the changing of mood swings with the ebb and flow of emotions and feelings. Changing the way I receive and give my love away. The saying goes I guess, nothing is every constant, expect for that is change.
Who am I?
I’m restless and unsettled with myself, confused and unsure to which path I should take a path that won’t complicate my already confused soul as I Swim against that strong and deadly current. The struggle, oh yes that struggle. I want so desperately to give up and throw my hands up, but I can’t so I sit myself down and helplessly try to reevaluate who I was, or who I believe I might be and where I’m supposed to be in the world. Challenging my own beliefs, what those are? I’m still working on what those could possibly even be..
Simply, I’m tired of going through the motions, bored, I soon move on to the very next thing that moves and stimulates me in every way. Needing, wanting to be in the moment in this present moment of my own exists requires a type of determination, a type of patience’s, a certain type of love and care. In order to find me, move me and touch me in places that I’ve kept hidden from me.
I am going to have to let go of the person I so desperately use to be, so that I may be able to finally catch up to me.
The person that I so desperately need to be, just good ol’ ME!