(Not) Getting the Job!

How I feel sometimes about these resumes. I felt like having a bit of fun creating the type of resume I’ve always wanted when you simply just don’t care anymore. Even pretending to make this up has caused some anxiety. lol.

So to give you an idea of how to begin lets get started!

V.Dizzle| Address: Google me|Phone: Just don’t call me after 9 p.m

Professional Objective: To obtain a job with the lease responsibilities possible so I can continue to feed and clothe myself.


    • Many years dealing with disrespectful individuals who are unable to not take things personally
    •   Can turn the computer on and off to the best of my ablity

Went to college a lot longer than expected

Professional Experiences:

Assistant Manager| 2013-present

  • being micro-managed daily and not actively getting any work done
  • refrain from yelling/fighting residents to get money owed for their rent
  • staring at a computer screen for hours reading useless emails daily
  • gossiping with other employees about other employees to realize these conversations had no real relevance to personal growth

Office Assistant| 2012-2013

  • listening to my boss constantly talking on the phone about GOD
  • making sure to show up earlier than my boss so I could catch up on my blogging
  • trying to file as much paperwork as slow as possible in efforts to not finish too quickly before my 5 hour shift
  • looking up my next vacation online pretending to make myself look busy           

Youth Coordinator| 2009-2012

  • making sure to show up to work daily
  • repeat everything I’ve said at least four times to youth who seem to be able to remember the lyrics to rap songs instead of their multiplication tables
  • promise parents that their youth would have homework done before 6pm
  • Plan evening outings with staff to just feel even more uncomfortable in their presences  

Leasing Consultant|2008-2009

  • Sitting at my desk thinking this is going to be the worse day of my life
  •   Persuading prospects in renting at the very expensive property not getting their moneys worth
  •    anticipating my next break to do homework and drown my sorrows into listening to music  
  • wearing a purple outfit to distinguish staff from all the others


B.A. Excited to graduate and get a REAL job/career , CSU East Bay

A.A. Deciding whether or not college was for me, DVC



4 thoughts on “(Not) Getting the Job!

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