It’s Monday and I’m in this damn office not wanting to check emails, answer phone calls, speak to potential clients or even go to court and deal with individuals who can’t seem to pay their rent on time. There are a million and one excuses as to why they can’t pay it, believe me I understand I really do. I would love to assist them in finding the resources needed to obtain funding so they can pay their rent, but then that is taking me away from many tasks that seem to land on my plate every hour of every day. This career I have, which is extremely time consuming, or at least my clients consume the majority of my work day, next to the paper work, and meetings with Owners and Contractors . Dealing the many different personalities and all their wants and needs of pulling me into every direction becomes emotionally draining after a while, leaving me no room for my own creative energy, or not allowing me to give myself to my loved ones or even to myself because my cup that was once full of energy has now run down to zero!
I’m ready to throw in the towel with this thing called working. Whether working for myself or working for “The Man” I don’t want to do it anymore. It’s over rated at this point, all I’m really doing is working to pay for all these bills, utility bills, phone bills, internet bill, credit card debt and whatever other expense that’s been laid out in front of me. Then I can hear my friend say to me, “You better be grateful you have the type of “job” that you do. You’re your own boss, have your own hours and you are able to pay those bills that you’re complaining about paying every month. There are some folks who wish they could pay a bill on time with a job that you have, or take the trips that you so lavishly take. So suck it up!”
And just like that I have to knock myself back into reality. I feel like every day, or some days I’m having growing pains of knowing that there is something much greater ahead of this hustle I do every day. Just in this very moment it’s hard to see that when I’m dealing with the many headaches or having to put out fires every day just to live the life that I am creating.
Is this what every entrepreneur goes through? The ups and downs of their business, the doubts of, “can I make it” how much longer can I really take of dealing with negative, nagging, rude clients? I know at the end of the day the issues of my clients have nothing to do with ME, the situation(s) are what causes the issues and I happen to be the person they are taking those issues out on. I can’t take everything personal because if I did/do I wouldn’t be able to maintain in this business for very long. My personality is too bubbly and outgoing to carry all this negative energy that is being thrown my way. I need to learn to block these negative energies, learn too be less overwhelmed with the massive workload, or being underappreciated by certain clients, but that’s the business of being in business with yourself, right? Humm..
Having a moment to vent for the day, feels really good to be able to release this energy through writing. Write it down and I let it all go. Being able to sit back and really understand why I’m doing this, or why I’m allowing myself to feel the way I do, why do I allow this hustle to be stressful and difficult at times? I’m learning as I move along in this independent world of being a business owner, only relying on myself at times. I know at the end of the day, I’m working to create something greater, something bigger than what I’m currently doing at the moment. Things take time. Breathe!